Thinking about kids with zero social media

An anonymous "Texas Mom" (the topic is that hot) raised a smartphone-free homecoming queen

Yes, another think piece on smartphones. It’s been that kind of week and this essay from an anonymous writer with the Wait Until 8th Community website has been on my mind.

Why? Well, I have to admit that the regional hook in this headline caught my attention, since I grew up in the Lone Star State and my big brother was part of a high school (top division) state championship football team. That matters in Texas. He could probably walk into a BBQ joint in Wichita Falls and people would still say: “Hey, didn’t you start for the Coyotes back in 1961?”

So with that football culture in mind, read this headline atop this essay by the unnamed “Texas Mom” — “This High School Homecoming Queen Does Not Have A Smartphone.” The overture is low-key, but rather amazing:

My high school senior does not have a smartphone. In fact, she only got a “dumb phone” when she turned 16 and got her driver’s license. Of course, she wishes she had an iPhone like almost everyone else, but she is flourishing in her social life and other endeavors.

When she was in middle school, I felt lost and alone, as I came to the realization of how rare it is to raise a teenager without a smartphone. All my intuition and instincts as a mother told me giving her a smart phone would not be the right choice for our family.

Since my daughter was the only middle schooler at the time at her school without a smartphone, I doubted my decision. I would’ve given anything to have another parent I could talk to who had been in my shoes. I’m writing this, not to say that every parent should be on the same path as me. I am close to many wonderful parents of amazing children who have completely different family technology policies. I’m writing this for those parents whose hearts are telling them to go against the grain with their children and phones.

Early on, this worried mother heard friendly parents, when discussing smartphone decisions, offer PRECISELY the advice that has been discussed in multiple Rational Sheep posts. The timing: Her daughter was set to enter middle school.

What did other parents tell her? All together now, chant this: “Yes, there is harm that will come to your child from smartphones and social media, but the social harms would be greater if your child is the only one of their peers without them.”

According to “Texas Mom,” this has not been true with her low-tech children. Here is her testimony:

They have many friends, are all well-liked by their peers and teachers in school and have active in-person social lives. They are bold and confident, and willing to speak in public. Some of my children participate in sports and some participate in arts, but they all excel, and are leaders in their extracurriculars. My senior was even crowned homecoming queen this year. I hate the boastful nature of this paragraph, but I feel it needs to be known that there are examples of socially thriving lower tech children in 2024.

The family has a desktop computer. Mom’s iPhone is ground zero for all of the apps that govern the world of sports, music practices, social events, etc. The parents allowed some limited digital activity (think Google voice) on an iPad and a laptop, while avoiding the crucial social-media platforms.

The key: Avoid the everywhere all the time smartphone that is a private open door to the Internet. “Texas Mom” found, that once her family’s systems were in place, she was able to “minimize parental nagging.”

Was this system perfect? No.