10 reasons teens should ditch smartphones?

The "Dear Christian Parent" scribe seeks feedback to help her improve this list

Raise your hand if you have recently had an honest conversation with a parent who is trying to make sense out of the contradictions built into the issue of smartphones and the lives of their children.

Consider this contradiction, which I stated just the other day, noting that we live in an age in which many “parents are afraid to let their children play in the yard, but are more than willing to let them have a portal into the Internet in their pockets.” That equation is going to keep showing up here at Rational Sheep.

What has changed that makes smartphones so essential for preteens, tweens and teens? Entire books are being written on that topic (and often discussed here).

But I had a head-scratching moment the other day when reading another important post from Emily Harrison at her Dear Christian Parent Substack. This article is called, “10 Reasons Why Teenagers Shouldn't Have Smartphones.”

I appreciated the fact that she included this note at the end: “Think I'm crazy? Then give me 10 reasons why. I'd love to start a civil dialogue within the church.”

Preach it, woman. After all, what she has to say is rather radical. Here is a byte of the overture:

Some of my friends are trying their best to restrict their teenagers from having Instagram, Snapchat and the like (especially moms of daughters). I think this is great. Truly. I applaud my friends who are parenting their daughters in this countercultural way, but I also push back a bit (because we are friends, ya know?). I believe, as Christian Parents, we need to not only say no to social media, but we need to say no to smartphones for kids and teenagers.

The article includes some obvious subjects, such as the anxiety that many young people feel about failing to “fit in” with their friends — if they are not living a fully online life. Then there is the looming issue of pornography. Harrison notes: “When you give your child access to the world, you give the world access to your child.”

But the item that made me think twice was this rather innocent topic:

Maps. I’ve heard a lot of parents say they will give their son or daughter a smartphone when they are driving so they can have a mapping app. How many times are your 16-18 year olds driving to a place they have never been? Probably not often. My 10-year-old could accurately navigate us to about 80% of the places we need to go. The other 20%? Take a few extra minutes and print out or write out directions at home. If we make our kids reliant on map functions, I think we are doing them a disservice. Put a physical map in their car for emergencies. Teach them how to use it. A time may come when cellular service is out or a phone charger or battery no longer works. We need to teach our kids the necessary life skills of how to navigate from point A to B without a smartphone. During his college years, my husband met up with a few friends for New Year’s Eve. In Times Square. Literally, they were all coming from different States. They didn’t have cellphones yet they managed to find each other. They made a plan ahead of time and stuck to it. Teenagers need to know how to move through the physical world with confidence, not reliance.

When I read that, I had a flashback to my distant past. This was a memory about the teen-aged version of me, sitting on the hood of my car northwest of Austin — probably near Brady (or we could make the story even more symbolic by saying I was in Eden).

I was headed to Glorieta, New Mexico — which is located on a pass outside of Santa Fe. My journey started in Port Arthur, Texas, and went through Austin because of a statewide competition for high school vocalists and ensembles. My men’s quartet received a perfect score.

In this image, from real life, I am sitting on the hood leaning against the windshield drinking a Dr Pepper (what else) outside a gas station, while studying a folding map of Texas that my father had stuck in my car’s glove compartment. The sun was setting, which is — trust me — a big deal on a clear evening in West Texas.

My father and I had talked about heading through San Angelo (with a family connection there) and Lubbock, but that was about it. I knew that I needed to drive west out of Tucumcari, which was always one of my favorite places on family drives to the huge Southern Baptist encampment in Glorieta. Tucumcari is where you start looking for mesas and, eventually, the Rocky Mountains. That’s a big deal when you have been spent a large chunk of your childhood in a flat, humid, swampy, mosquito-dominated Texas refinery town.

I remember feeling excited, but not scared. High school was over and college loomed ahead. I was, quite literally in this case, learning how to find my own way. I had a map and, if I needed help, I could find a pay telephone and call home (collect, of course).

That was that. I was headed to the mountains. I made it just fine, following all those old-fashioned road signs and my own memories of the roads.

Smartphones didn’t exist, back in the dark ages. My parents couldn’t sit in the den back at home watching my progress on an app, thinking: “I wonder if he’s lost. We better call him.”

Later that summer, my parents attended Missions Week at Glorieta and my father and I laughed out loud when we discovered that we had both found the same discount gas station in Santa Fe. Think — “apple,” “tree” and “fall.”

I have no idea if the young version of Emily Harrison ever made a solo trip of that kind. But I have no doubt that my personal parable is precisely what she was thinking about when she put digital maps in her essay.

After thinking about that, look at the ABC News video — “Secrets Preteens Keep On Their Phones” — embedded in this post. I mean, this YouTube offering is already EIGHT YEARS OLD. Imagine that.

That leads me to two other items from the Harrison list:

Parental Controls are a joke. Have you ever stopped to think about what “Parental Controls” are controlling? Does Google have the same ethical and moral standards as your family? How about Apple? Or Spotify? What about TikTok or Pinterest? That ESPN app your son loves? He’s seeing advertisements for sports betting. If a parental control can be set, it can be un-set. Kids are resourceful. They will figure out how to get around parental controls. Each December my brothers and I would sneak around our house trying to find Christmas presents our parents had hidden. It kind of ruined the surprise on Christmas morning and we felt bad about it, but we were kids: we were curious and had little patience. Assume your children & teens are curious and have little patience online. Also, if you aren’t aware, each time there is an app or iOS update, parental controls are typically scrubbed as part of the update and must be reset. This can become very time consuming for a parent, to say the least.

All together now: #DUH

But here is another somewhat brutal item that I believe will hit close to home for parents, pastors, teachers and counselors that read Rational Sheep. Ready?

The Jones family from church that gave their teenager a smartphone. It’s not going well for them. When we see that other parents have given smartphones, we assume it is okay. We assume these other parents have done the research, know the risks and rewards and believe a smartphone to be good for their son or daughter. More often than not, something hasn’t gone well. The time limits aren’t working, their child has seen something they can’t unsee, the drama in their house has increased. It’s been said that giving your teenager a smartphone is like giving them a snake in a box. Very few parents are willing to share their struggles and sometimes that’s because of a desire to protect the privacy and reputation of their children. I’m not faulting parents for not airing their dirty laundry! I’m just saying, don’t assume that because somebody else gave a smartphone that it’s a good idea. Over my many years of doing this, I’ve had countless Christian parents pull me aside or frantically call me with horror stories about what their kids have done or been exposed to on a screen. To the parents who have “locked down” their kid’s phone and essentially turned the smartphone into a “dumb phone,” good for you. I hope this works. I’ll admit, not every child is going to abuse the privilege. There are some super compliant children out there. BUT when other parents see an iPhone in your teenager’s hand, it falsely gives the impression that this is a good idea. Even if you feel confident in how many restrictions are on your kid’s phones, other parents may not be as tech savvy and their kids may not be as compliant.

We will end there. And remember that Harrison has asked for feedback. Let her have it — including if you think she has gone too far with some of her recommendations.